Letting Go

I don't know about you, but change ain't easy for this humble servant. I have spent my life doing the church thing. This isn't a hobby or a membership in a pool club. This has been the focus of the most important events and moments in my life. My parents, music, art, love, coming of age, marriage, death, the presence of the almighty, friendship, learning, literature, fighting injustice, family, loss, sacrifice, capability, mysticism, and the list goes on. All of these have come into focus and been part of the solar system that has been defined by this locus of community and devinity. I got into this business partly because it's a congenital disorder. It runs in my blood. Then there's the very real sense that this focus of power and love put me up to this. I have a call. All of that I'm sure will be the focus of future installments. But resting there, right there with these others is the most human and simple reason: I love the joint.

In spite and because of its warts and idiocies, it is my home. And I think it's a grand place. I like its style and grace. I like its geekiness and innocense. I like its grandure and power. I like what it stands for and how it goes about grappeling with the beasts that beset us. And now I'm watching it struggle to survive. It's far from dead, but it's having a hard time holding together.

I get defensive when charges of irrelevance, hypocracy, judgemental, and all the other stones that have hit it come lobbing in from 'out there.' I get angry when some from 'in here' say and do things that make me want to weep. And I fume at the apathy of most about the life or demise of this glorious entity that means so much to me. After all, soccer practice is so important.

Last night we had a meeting. It was a good meeting. It dealt with the issues of hunger and justice and the blessed earth and the safety of our children. We talked about how to more effectively work through conflict. I'd say that is a pretty relevant and honest agenda. And I realized that we are swimming upstream and we are exhausted.

God doesn't depend on the church. It's a gift to us. God will be fine. And who knows what the shape and style of the next incarnation of the Body of Christ will take? It has morphed and will continue to do so. But it's really hard to let go of something that has nurtured and prodded me toward the grand horizons of life.

I think I'm going to have a hard time giving up my driver's liscense.